Healthy relationships
Whilst at university, many students find that they're presented with opportunities to explore new types of relationships. Understanding what makes a healthy relationship can enhance your overall wellbeing and help foster positive experiences.
Red flags
In personal relationships, a red flag is something that serves as a warning sign to alert you to potential difficulty or danger. Some examples include:
- Mismatched relationship goals
- Persistent jealousy and distrust
- Gaslighting; this is when someone tries to convince you that you're wrong about something when you're not.
Find out more about what gaslighting means at relate.org
- Love bombing; this is when someone shows affection and/or attention in order to influence or manipulate you.
- Physical, sexual, emotional or financial abuse; if you are currently experiencing abuse within your relationship, or have experienced it in the past, The Mandala Project is available to listen and offer support to students
If you are the victim of a crime, or need urgent assistance of any kind, call 999 immediately.
You can report the behaviour of another student to the university by calling DMU Security 24 hours a day on 0116 2577642.
Find out more about DMU's campus security team
Green flags
A green flag is the opposite of a red flag; these are positive signs that a relationship is developing in a healthy way. Examples can include:
- Treating each other as equals
- Mutual consent to sexual activities; for a simple explanation of what consent is, see Tea & Consent - a short video from Thames Valley Police
- Giving each other space to participate in your individual social and family lives
- Active listening; this means going beyond simply hearing the words someone is saying and fully engaging with the other person, rather than waiting for your turn to speak
- Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflicts
- Communicating and respecting each others' boundaries; find out more about what a healthy boundary is with the Healthy Relationships Initiative
For support linked to family planning and sexual health, visit our sexual health information page, or download our Student Pregnancy Policy.
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Family relationships
At university you can make independent choices about the things you want to do whether you stay at home with your family or live in halls. You can decide how you manage your studies and finances and you may want to meet new people, socialise or try out activities for the first time.
Everyone feels different about staying in touch with friends or family.
You might:
- Miss support from family or friends and feel homesick or lonely
- Find managing your finances hard
- Feel pressure to ‘succeed’ and do well
If you need support and advice there are staff and services to support you at DMU and beyond
- Meet new people by joining a society
- Sort your finances
- Make your wellbeing a priority
As an adult you have the right to decide what is right for you. No-one has the right to put pressure on you and if someone in your family is forcing you to make choices you don’t want to, that’s a red flag.
Sometimes relationships with family can be unhealthy and this could look like domestic abuse, honour abuse, forced marriage or coercive control. The NHS website can help you to recognise the signs of abusive family relationships.
If you are worried about domestic, honour-based or sexual abuse, DMU Mandala advisers can chat to you on Teams, via email or face to face about your options, but in an emergency or if you need urgent help ring 999 straightaway.
Other sources of support include:
It’s always important to reach out for support if someone is hurting or controlling you. You can find out about supporting a friend who might be experiencing abuse at gov.uk.
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Friendships
Whether you are living at home or have moved to Leicester, making friends at university is easier than you think.
It’s a fact that all new students worry about making friends at university, but there are lots of ways that you can meet new people, avoid isolation and loneliness, and settle into university life. Here are a few ideas:
Ways to make friends at university:
- Go to welcome events and Freshers - it's a common misconception that Freshers events involve alcohol, nightclubs and other activities that don't appeal to all students; in reality, there are plenty of activities that don't, including low-sensory and alcohol-free events. Every year, listings for Freshers events will become available online, via social media, Healthy DMU and De Montfort Students' Union - keep an eye out for activities that sound like fun to you
- Join groups on social media and WhatsApp
- Get involved in volunteering
- Join a society or get involved at De Montfort Student Union
- Stay on campus to study
Ways to make friends in halls:
- Try hanging out in the kitchen, living room or common area
- Invite your flatmates for lunch
- Host a games night
Ways to make friends on your course:
Activities at DMU
Here are some DMU activities where you can make friends:
Healthy friendships
Here are some signs your friendships are healthy:
- You feel safe to share and communicate your feelings
- You have shared interests
- Your friends are kind and support you
- You feel that your personal boundaries are respected
- Your friends are happy about your achievements, goals and successes
Unhealthy friendships
Here are some signs of unhealthy relationships:
- Name calling and putting you or others down
- Bullying or trolling
- Causes you to feel used or exploited
- Getting too drunk, or friendships based on drinking
- Being encouraged to engage in risk taking or illegal activity
Learn more about DMU’s approach to Prevent
You can report the behaviour of another student to the university by calling DMU Security 24 hours a day on 0116 2577642.
Loneliness
If you feel lonely and are unsure how to take the first steps to meeting new people, you can book on MyGateway for:
- Healthy DMU Masterclasses; face to face and online sessions that enhance your skills for healthy study
- Single Point of Access Appointments (SPAs); one-to one appointments to discuss your situation with a member of the Wellbeing Team
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Accommodation
Moving away from home and living in student accommodation can be big part of the university experience for many. There are lots of advantages to living with new people and a few things to consider:
- You may make life long friends within your accommodation
- Sharing the university experience with the people you live with can help you feel supported
- Your housemates can also be your study buddies to help you through deadlines, exams or placements
- You may have a difference of opinions on chores or other household tasks
- Differing personalities can sometimes result in challenging situations
- You might feel pressure to go out and socialise more than you usually would
These are common issues, but there are ways to overcome them.
Managing relationships with housemates
When you live with others, whether they are friends, family or partners, communication is key. If an issue arises, speak to the individual about any concerns that you have, but try to be positive and calm. Sometimes there might be more going on for those individuals than you realise.
The following tips can help prevent problems from occurring:
- Assign areas or times for study or socialising to ensure minimal disruptions
- Consider agreeing to some house rules early on - have everyone contribute their own ideas and preferences
- Be receptive to new ideas, beliefs and cultures
- Find out who are the key members of staff are in your accommodation and record their contact details
Sometimes, managing relationships with people you live can be tricky. Liv Student has some advice on dealing with difficult housemates on their website.
DMU Security
The DMU Security team are on hand 24 hours a day, all year round to help keep you safe on campus. If you have questions or concerns about your safety, or would like to formally report something to DMU, you can contact the team by phone on 0116 2577642 (extension 7642), 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, or by email at security@dmu.ac.uk.
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Looking after yourself
Healthy DMU
Healthy DMU can offer a wide range of advice and guidance on physical and mental wellbeing; you can also find out how to get involved in volunteering and social activities.
Togetherall
DMU has access to a platform called Togetherall, to help students who are looking for support with their wellbeing while at university.
Togetherall is designed to help students get support, take control and feel better. It provides 24/7 peer-to-peer support (moderated by professional wall guides), plus a range of courses and tools to help students self-manage their wellbeing.
Need support?
If you need help, there are services at DMU which can support you.
No Space for Hate supports students dealing with incidents of hate and harassment. This service comprises of an anonymous reporting tool and a specialised confidential service which outlines support and reporting options. To speak to a member of the No Space for Hate team, you can call 0116 207 8309 between 9.30am and 5pm Monday to Friday when DMU is open, or email nsfh@dmu.ac.uk.
Single Point of Access Appointment (SPA)
SPA appointments last 45 minutes, and are an opportunity to discuss your situation with a member of support staff from Wellbeing Services.
You may be supported to access other internal and external services, and an action plan will be devised with you, including your possible next steps.
You can book a SPA appointment via MyGateway.
DMU Security
The DMU Security team are on hand 24 hours a day, all year round to help keep you safe on campus. If you have questions or concerns about your safety, or would like to formally report something to DMU, you can contact the team by phone on 0116 2577642 (extension 7642), 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, or by email at security@dmu.ac.uk.